


Savory Crêpes

by dggrif



Category: Her (2013), One Direction (Band), Paradise Fears (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, College AU, Crossover, M/M, german!harry, irish!niall, kobe is retired AU, new jersey!zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dggrif/pseuds/dggrif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall questions everything...Is Louis really straight?....Who is Sam Miller? Why is he so beautiful? WHY DOES EVERYONE LOVE HARRY'S MEATY THIGHS??!!??!! ;3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Makes You Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> boy x boy; don't like don't read!
> 
> first fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! criticism welcome, no hate tho
> 
> love u guys xxxx

Chapter I - What Makes You Beautiful

Once upon a full moon, Niall J. Horan from Mullingar Ireland sat quietly in his shared bedroom looking out the window at the rainy 2011 London sky. After about three hours, Sam Miller his roomie/flatmate(in London England)(thats what they are called there) came padding in with a big grin spread across his beautiful amazing gorgeous pretty godly face (OHH did Niall just think that???????!!!???!!?) NO HE WASN’T GAY!! Sam is his bro his best mate his compadre his partner in crime the dorritos to his mountain dew the other half of his heart…..NO!!!! This was completely 100% platonic in a man love kind of way. Niall tore his deep blue eyes away from the lovely specimen of man in front of him.

“Hey Niall!!” Sam cheered as he passed the Irish lad a pint.

“Hey beautiful….UH I meant Sam...Uh Miller...Uh Erm Thanks bro” Niall said blushing angrily at the ground 

“Heeyyyyy Guys!” a young lad with a deep voice pipped up.

“Hey Harry!!! Styles!!” The bros shouted in unision at the young lad with emerald eyes and a mop of dark curly locks that made Niall want to...NONONO!!! I NIALL HORAN A UNI  
STUDENT FROM MULLINGAR IRELANDAND and IN LOVE WITH STYLES, HARRY!!......Oh no ….. I may be in love with ……. both ….. Sam…….Harry…...Sam …………………………………………………………………...HarrY...SaM……...HaRRy...oh no

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“OI VAS HAPPENIN LIAM??????????????” Zayiiiiiin MAlIk from Bradford New Jersey screamed like a pteridactayl at his best mate and flat mate(LOnndon englIIsh) scaring the lone remaining kidney out of his kidney area in his body………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...The brunnete lay ded on the cold linolium floor after only 18 years of life……………..too young

“LIAM I’m SO SORRY!!’ Zayn fell to the floor tears falling like waterfalls down his face as he assesed the damage done to his best mate(London england(they say mate a lot))  
“VAS HAPPENIN PAIN” Zaum sail clutching his heart……..”wait…….I guess goodbye PAYNE” Zayeni said realizing his best mate (london) was gone…..It wasn’t by spoons either

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Louis jogged around the park for hours while his mind drifted to………….other things……..(harrys meaty thighs)..........He couldn’t help himself if only Louis was quieter and didn’t have a tendancy to shout things like STRAIT or HETEROSEXUAL every 15 minutes or so(like clockwork)....Maybe harry would talk to him and louis could be a little closer too…..his meaty THIGHS….Sorry, Luis just couldn’t think of anything else….When it came down to it “life as a fangirl could not get any better”(Tyler Oakley,2013).....And when it came to HArry’s meaty thighs it was true


	2. Stole My Heart (Liam's Kidney)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have fun :3

Chapter II - Stole My Heart (Liam’s Kidney)

“vas happenin…..boyZzz©” Zack whispered sadly, eyes shiney, as he trudged into the room, his legs feeling heavy from the recent horrors of his past

“hey buddy” niall said in an emotionless monotone voice, questioning his sexuallity. Sam Miller began to frown while sensing the sad sounds of the young guys(Sam Miller is from South Dakota which is in the USA so he doesn’t say lad very much) voice. Sam Miller couldn’t help but think of…………..Niall…..Horan...From Mullingar Ireland born September 13th,1993. “Yeah Niall is beautiful” Sam Miller pondered...He loved Niall, like a gentle child he wanted to cradle him in his arms and sing michael buble into his elf like ears. Yeah.?, He loved Niall…...Problem?

“Liam’s been…...hacked”

“YHACKYED” Louis shouted from the closet surprising everyone because no one knew he was back from his leisurely jog in the park. They didn’t know he went on a jog. They usually forget he lived their half the time. I guess Ziall “was fabulous, I died’(Tyler Oakley,2012).

“I know its a sad,sad time but...at least we get more room..Well I don’t personally cause I share a bed with SAM MILLER n loius. But u know? Like, Zo-e and Niall do and erm yeah.” Harry squeezed out in a deep raspy voice that got Niall feeling a number of emotions…….none of them were heterosexual.

“I AM NOT IN FACT STRAIghT, BUT I AM IN FACT A BRONY!!” Louis Tomlinson shouted peeking out of the closet making sensual eye contact with none other than HArry Styles himself.

“Ding” a piece of metal clincked to the floor. The boyzzZZ© turned their heads in unision towards the source of the sound.

“WhAt ThE hEcK wAs ThAt!!??!!” Niall said Irish dripping from his face(http://ak1.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/107310354/id/PHjafT1n4xG2eX5iDXURzQ/size/y.jpg).

“it caMe from le kitchen” Zop husked in a heavy New Jersey accent trying to show his true colors”(not gay,just memeS)(http://s9.favim.com/orig/131006/harry-styles-liam-payne-louis-tomlinson-niall-horan-Favim.com-977423.jpg)


	3. Chapter III - Save You Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings are considered and liam's still dead

Chapter III - Save You Tonight

*4.3 YEARS LATER*

“Boyzz©” Zachandcody spoke up gathering their attentions, “I miss daddy direction :(((“ he said again bringing himself to tears as Niall gently strummed wonderwall by oasis on his acoustic guitar. 

Louis tryed to clutch harrys delicate appendage in his own only to be faced with the face of defeat. Harry thought Louis was a lil annoying andd a brony to be honest.

“No LOU” Harry spoke raising his voice for the first time in years. “I WiLL Not be your homosexual boyfriend” (NoT Yet Anyways… HeHE;) ) “But Hazza………………………… i luv u, & only u” Loius said gently stroking harry’s warm and meaty thigh, “It’s gotta be…… you” ……..Harry SWATTEd away the intruding appendage and looked Louis in his deep blue ocean sea deep ocean greenish sea blue eyes, the color of the deep sea.   
“I can’t be with you” Harry’s low voice graveled in obvious...Payne  
“But, why?” Louis questioned his deep blue sea eyes in a sad storm o feels  
“Management” Harry said in a melancholy whisper to the young mildly attractive lad

“YWAHYT” Louis screamed causing HArry Styles to collapse onto the floor in horrid shivers...Louis completely forget the previous conversation when he noticed the curly haired lads situation. “HARRYYY!!” Louis said falling gracefully to his forbidden lovers side. 

“Lou” Harry pipped up in between his satanic dance….”Come closer”

“of course Haz” Louis shared sympathetically 

“No,closer” Harry pipped again almost out of breath. “Why do you always yell, it’s completely unreasonable and a little annoying to me and literally the entire planet” He spoke sitting up, blinking rapidly.

Louis lets out a stifled cry before fleeing the scene entirely, perhaps to go on another leisurely jog in the local park. Everyone else in the room stares with wide eyes at the scene that just took place about 30 seconds ago.

“Oi, Sam Miller! Do you maybe want to go get a pint with me at the pub???” Niall neighed in his irish accent to the attractive blonde(not niall who is also blonde). Sam Miller nods and grabs his brown corduroy jacket. 

*the two exit*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

AT THE PUB………

“So Sam Miller………..How do you feel about men-WAIT, I mean sports like football or table tennis?.” Niall Horan from Mullingar Ireland said taking a large nervous sip of his beloved beer.

“Umm, I love Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-FOOTBALL!” Sam Miller responded enthusiastically (he almost said Niall HOran;) ). Sam Miller took an elegant sip of his vodka martini.

The two sat drinking in silence for about exactly three hours. Niall getting dangerously lost in Sam Millers deep chocolate coffee starbucks coffee ground brown eyes on more than one occasion. Suddenly, a song erupts just like a volcano out of the speakers…..a slow song, Say Something by A Great Big World Ft. Christina Aguilera (Arranged like this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dYlvdLdK9w). 

Niall and Sam Miller found themselves rising from their chairs with no control over these actions. Niall and Sam Miller’s hands meet and they soon become one on the dance floor. All of Niall’s worries are left behind(except the ones about his sexuality). They sway to the music, Sam Millers hand graces the delicate and cheap cotton fabric covering Nialls waist, fingers gently resting there. Niall took a violent breath in, trying to assess the situation. Niall hands naturally went to Sam Miller's shoulders, but his mind was like "who is this hottie and what does he want from me??!?!!?!?!"

Suddenly the door flew oped to reveal a stressed boy with a raven quiff......"BOYYZZzzZzz©, we have to go!!" Zebra shouted at Sam Miller and Niall.

"What!!" They shouted turning around to face quiff boy.

"We have 2 go"


	4. Chapter 3: Na Na Na

Chapter 3:Na Na Na

The 5 boys(Liam's dead) jumped on a train as quickly as possible.

"Oi! Zanye!" Niall shouted at the lad

"Yeh! Niall, wha do u wannt?" Zxylaphone questioned the IRish lad with his signature New Jersey accent.

"Where is teh train headin?" Niall asked

"New Jersey" Zepplin called

"That's where the Jonas brothers are from" Harry whispered, looking into Louis' deep ocean sea blue eyes.

"Harry, shut up!" Louis screeched

"Oooo the sass master from Doncaster" zayn cheered

"Why are we going to New Jersey" Sam Miller asked in a kind polite tone. Everyone swinged their head to look at Sam Miller speaking the truth.

"Me mums hip gave out" Zimbabwe informed. 

"No! Zanyel!" The males screamed in unison.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

‘Clack clack clack clack’ the train is really hauling across the big beautiful northen atlantic ocean (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeuLArBAiFI).

h@rry gazes through the uncleaned train winder longing for something…………………. But what?...>>>>>>>>>>>>OR wh0m???.......could it bee a shrill,,,,,,yet subetyl HAND-sum windswept suspender(this is written by americans and we dont call em braces) wearing son of A goon…….

The oceaan………. Remindss him…………………………………………………………………………………………… of someone special. Someone sexy. Someone smexy. Someone smexxxy. Someone XD. someone beautiful. Amazing, like the grand canyoon or a nice sail bot in the ssummer...hary felt warm inside. Like an easy bake oven. 

But whose eyes were so deep sea blue ocean waves blue and deep soul surfer tropical island greeting from hawaii ocean moana blue and deep?? 

“Louse” - Samathy miller barked!!!!! “Yeh” louis replid…………………  
“Kould ye stop kicken me shins>|? Right, I thneed ‘them for my football game”(american football}}}}}}} 

Harry edward (cullen) styles snaps his head around (almost 360°(like an owl)) giving him just a spot of whiplash (IMPROTANT: read last sentence in london english accent) “LOuiS” he scream-thinks. “HIS EYeS”........ He comes to terms with the parallels….. (ocean-louis-ocean-loius-ocean-l) and just like air bud……..HE fell in l(ouis)ove#### 

“Lets get inside znakatha christy’s head!!” thats what liam would always say….. And oh how zllallum misse d that comforting beutufil girraafe man…..Butt,,,, his MUM////// HOW COULD HE TINK OF HES DEAD FREIND WHEN HIS mukm…...new jersey is so cold, and her motherlike hip was s o britttle,,,,,,hiw coudl zcoliosis forget HER®(2013, Dir. Spike Jonze)

jsut then…… the trolley lady walks by the train rooom the BoyzzZZZz© are residing in. (like in Harry Potter(420) and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secreast, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of the Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, and Harry Pothead and the Deathly Hallows Part 2)... except the trolley lady was no lady indeed it was theodore (ted) twombly from the movie Her (2013, Dir. Spike Jonze) played by Joaquin Phoenix. He fucks computers. But also sells candies on the train. What a life. 

“ sorry aboot ur mother” - theodoor “the twomb” twombly spewed like computer coded vomit….ZANIX broke down….

“UGH, I am uh,,,,,, erm sorry a’lright????????? Twas not my own faoult right?????? How was I to know??? How was I to to guess..I love her and he bum hips and all……..” it was hard for zaynnzaynnonthetrain to break down like this…….especially to a guy who finds computers…………………………………….kinda hot

“OI” - lewouis   
“What?????” -computer man  
“OI!”  
“I’d like a biscuit(they are london people, they call cookies biscuits there, in the forgine country….) 1 for me and uh…….. One for me BUDDY HAZZA!!!” louis chuckled out to the terrific terrible totallty tit, train employee……

The word buddy out of louis’s’s’s soft and kissable lips was like a shotgun to harry’s heart……………….. friendzoned ………………. The worst kind of zone. ……… …. The straight kind of zone. Louis woudl never love him back……………. He was a brony. not a gay brony. Whearas harry "never felt the need to really. I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.” harry’s heart broke into 3,801 pieces, puncturing his lungs in the procccess he gashped for breath, in a metaphorical and literal sense. 

AFTER! Checking the scene, NAILLL knew he had to ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) !!!! “Move out of me way /i know the american red cross’s interprutation of CPR!!!  
“CPR’ sam miller thought….”now i’m listening”  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY   
“1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 222324252627282930 compressshuns” Niall performed a top Harry  
“1 kiss, two kiss” as niall mouthed HAZZMASTA back to life

“That gives me an idea!” sam miller pondered as the lightbulb atop his blonde(sam has blonde hair too, not just niall) noggin. ……..funny he said that,,,,,,,cause HE(samantha miller) STOPPED BREAST FEEDING {breathing}

Harry (and the hendersons) chokes back to lyfe [dramatic irony] and niall is handed a towel by theodore dtwoody who hands it to him with a smile and says “you can see me in water, but i never get wet. What am i?” niall horan from mulliingar ireland raises one of his eyebrows (blonde). And wipes beads of sweat from his exhausted forehead. “SAM!!! SAm MILLER!!!! SAMUEL MILLER LITE !!!!! WITH LIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he wasn’t breathing………. Nials needed to act fast or sam would die. “I need to act fast or sam will die” niall hollers like an orangutan. 

KNiall, dropps on all fours and belly flops to the side of his hunky patient……… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY….”YOU will Live’ Niall yelps with every compress, obviously caring more than when harrys life was on the line. ……………………././././.;’.;’././;l;;’.;’.’;;p=p=[;’.’/.  
Niall…..paused before he arrived at the kissing breaths<(you are not supposed to do this in reall CPR, you have 10 seconds to begin the breaths)> he was to deliver into Millers talented lungs like a couragous postal worker on a sunday morn…….”this is PERSONALL”  
Niall,,,,,kissed nad he breathed ad he kissed and he breathed into sams cold, decomposing but still kind hot, bod. “Come on sam!!!”

“Come on, Come on, and dance with me baby” the BOYZZzzzZZZ© harmonzed, having recorded a song with a similar title years around that time

As niall layed down the last tender kiss (cpr) and breathed into the blondie sam woke up inside and out…. Blood rushed to his head…. And his heart…. And the rest of his body…………… he has never felt more alive. He looked his savior deep in his sparkling enchanting magical blue blue eyes and it took all of his strength to resist reaching an appendage up and stroking that soft babie boy face of niall 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*sqreaaakaka*   
“yikes!” louis spat when ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,MR. TRAIN IS AT THE STATION 

..”Patrick Monahan ?” Harry said, reckognising, Pat, the American singer-songwriter, musician, and actor, best known as the lead singer for the band Train.[1] He has collaborated with multiple artists, and has recorded a solo album, Last of Seven.” 

Sam, back from visiting the grim reaper exclaims “that’s not pat monahan!!!!!!!”   
Zaiingn realized this hours ago “THAT HO IS LIAM. LIAM PAYNE FROM ONE DIRECTION.” 

“Yikes” louis said, not aware of the progrum, yet, getting lost in German!Harry’s eyes. (harry thought louis had friendzonned him and was clueless that louis was feelin’ it too(electricity))

it was liam. Holding…. Chicken tendies…………… in his moisterized appendages. 

“Is that joaquin phoenix from Her (2013, Dir. Spike Jonze)????” he drops those juicy tendies in a combo shock-excitement move…….

 

they spell “i’m sorry” as they lie on the cold linoleum floor.(the nugs(lONDON ENGLISH SLANG FOR YA!) tendieZ,,,, originally spelt out “YOU THOT” but the gravity (2013, Dir. Alfonso Cuarón Alfonso Cuarón OR F = Gm1m2/r2,) of the situation had reformed them coausing a …….miracle)...................................................................................................................................................................................or… a curse


End file.
